January 2012
18 posts
7 tags
S&M Baby (no babies were harmed in this...
MS: Do you think we bite our baby too much?
Wife: If you bite her harder she likes it more. She's a sadist.
MS: You mean she's a masochist. You're the sadist here.
Wife: Then we're perfect!
8 tags
“It’s cold outside, but luckily there’s a baby in here warming things...”
14 tags
What's up, Hugo Schwyzer and the Good Men Project?
Hugo Schwyzer resigned from the Good Men Project and posted why on his blog. It was a thing. I didn’t know about it. I heard about it from TheDaddyComplex, and after reading all the back and forth, I went ahead and wrote a response. Now that I’m here again after my winter break from the internet, I decided to post the response myself, since who knows where on the internet it ended up....
December 2011
16 posts
5 tags
“i just got drool in my mouth.”
– -my wife. i’d be lying if i said this was the first time either of us has said this regarding our saliva-prone son.
-bp
The Good Men Project & Feminism →
One day you’re completely immersed in baby world, and the next you look on the internet and things have happened.
thedaddycomplex:
Hugo Schwyzer, editor and contributor for The Good Men Project, resigned last night over moral differences stemming from founder Tom Matlack’s criticism of feminism. On his site, he wrote about why he quit and offered his rebuttal that The Good Men Project...
8 tags
Scared of Santa
We took our daughter to the mall yesterday to introduce her to that bearded watcher of children, Santa Claus. Anyone else notice how any description you can come up with makes Santa sound pretty creepy (always wears the same clothes, puts kids on lists, gives them toys if they’ve been good)?
Before you become a parent, you probably also didn’t realize that PHOTOS WITH SANTA COST OVER...
9 tags
Best of 2011: My Daughter →
Online, people are posting list after “best of” list. In our house, it has been the year of the rash. Our best of list is: Grace. Our worst of list is longer. Rashes are at the top. Before pregnancy, I never knewpeople could be allergic to the cold. I never knew the things a body inside a body could cause. It’s a good thing I didn’t, for procreation’s sake…READ MORE
-ms
6 tags
“Grace is not a careful baby.”
– Matt’s wife, after baby nose-dives into playmat. Baby, that’s what we call understating.
Baby food versus Daddy
I just tried some of my baby’s food. Apple and mushed-up rice. I didn’t want to, but my wife said she wanted to give me some since I never got the experience. I was in an orphanage until I was 2. Besides, she made the food from scratch. It was sweet, I love her, etc. At first she wanted me to eat with the same spotty spoon, but I vetoed that idea. She poured the mush into my mouth like...
3 tags
6 tags
Nog-less Dad
So far, we’ve been invited to one holiday party. One! C’mon people! We’re parents; not lepers!
-bp
Chair
blueburning:
It’ll be a sad day for me when my daughter no longer believes that I’m the most comfortable chair in the house.
7 tags
My kid smells 2
Baby Grace smells like pretzels. I can’t get over it. I’ve even started calling her Pretzel. You know, so I’ll have something else to embarrass her with later. -ms
P.S. It kind of makes me want to chew on her.
6 tags
Crunch
Whenever we lay alfie down flat, his instinct is to lift his head up. He can hold it there for a seemingly unending amount of time. It’s not all that surprising, considering he was holding his head up by Week 2 of his life.
That is, he was holding his head up like that until last night, when my wife held his legs down, and then watched in awe as he sat himself up from a flat position. Then:...
7 tags
My Kid Smells →
I wanted to call this next installation of the column I write for my alma mater’s magazine “Baby Crack,” but given the connotations of what those words mean when you reverse them, I thought better of it. Still: I’m addicted to smelling my son’s head.
-bp
9 tags
Early Childhood Education: How early is too early? →
My wife is educating our 5-month-old baby. Each day I learn something new about learning. I have learned that simply holding a cup is education. I have learned to play “Hot Cross Buns” on a xylophone (with matching arm movements). I have learned that the high-pitched voice people use with babies is exactly what they best respond to. I have learned that babies want badly to learn and never need a...
9 tags
Ahem
Why, every time my wife says the baby looks exactly like me and nothing like her, does it always sound like an insult? -ms
2 tags
Thanks, The Daddy Complex! →
thedaddycomplex:
newdadsstrut:
“You’ll get your life back when the baby turns two.” Heard this recently. Is it true?
No. What you get is to experience your new life more than before. Your kid will be a little more self-sufficient, probably sleep longer, be more of a child than a little fleshy bag of need. That means you get to really explore your post-birth world, which will be nothing like...
8 tags
“You’ll get your life back when the baby turns two.”
– Heard this recently. (Is it true?) -ms
November 2011
14 posts
5 tags
“i have a son. this is still weirding me out.”
– bp, in a minor existential freakout after realizing that the breathing from the other room was coming from a sentient being who is currently in the process of learning how to be someone distinctly his own, and yet somehow shares things in common with me like eye color and complicated DNA strands. 